Episode 27! One more to go.
Blondy always liked to be alone, even from a very young age. The only person she could handle being around for extend periods of time was her Mum. Alone was good. Safe.
But there was always something missing in them times. She like to be alone but she didn’t like silence. She would play music, write, watch TV but she would often spend hours feeling anxious and sick as thoughts went round and round.
Nothing much has changed. I still like to be alone. The only people I can tolerate around me for extended periods of time are my children.
That’s not meant as any disrespect to anyone. In some ways I am still a 13-year-old child seeking solace and peace even for just a little while. And just like back then, it often felt like something was missing during those time.
Ghosting…. My mum called it. When I disappear for a while. She called it Ghosting because she said she could see me, but I was not there. Not really. I would become very quiet (Very much not like the day to day me) and would just sit and draw, write…listen. She asked me once “Where do you go when you ghost”. I didn’t tell her. She would not like the answer. The truth is a lot of the time I went back. Reliving moments…..traumatic moments. And then usually, once it had passed, I would feel angry and resentful and act out to show this.
As I got older I would still feel like this at times. I often wondered how it would feel to be still but not think. To just…. Rest. You don’t know the impact of not being able to truly rest until you have been so exhausted from your own mind that you feel sick.
I’m not going to introduce today’s guest. No need. But I do need to tell you why he is here.
I have spoken about the first time I head George the poet in A blog I wrote that you can read HERE
It was instant. The second I heard him speak I was …. speechless.
I don’t mean for that to sound dramatic. Its not how I want it to sound.
Spoken word is not something I really took too until I heard “Estate of Mind”. Then I went searching for spoken word artists.
I found myself late at night looking for spoken word and poetry that ….. well…. Spoke to me.
I have had some dark times in my life. Aint we all. My dark times are not frequent and for that I am blessed. But I have waves… waves of darkness where I blame myself. Where I wonder if I am good enough. If I have done enough. If I could have helped a child differently.
Round and round the thoughts go……
It was during one of these times, several years ago maybe 2014/15, about 4 in the morning….. questioning myself, that I found myself pressing the paly button on George the Poet “The Chicken & The Egg”. And I found my calm.
It’s a mixture of the voice and the message. The realness. The meaning behind the words. Its about hearing the truth about the endz without glamorizing what happens there.
It’s the level of respect for women. For the unprivileged. The fight. The drive.
And so, it has been that way ever since…. I use George as my medicine when I don’t feel right. When I need to balance. When I need to make sense of my own mind.
I then started doing the same with others like me. With rushing thoughts and confusion about what to do. The young people I work with… They know about George. I have had many a eye roll when a young person has started to kick off and I say “wait… did I tell you about this Georg the poet track…it will help with that”… but they always sit and listen despite the eye roll, And always ask me later if I can tell them another one to listen to (Cat D is always a good shout)
One of my young people…Deon… I spoke about him before… He knew why I listened to spoken word and …over time… I would prescribe one “George the poet tune” as he described them, and he would listen and then come back the next day and we would compare notes. George saved that boy many a night and he doesn’t even know….
I wonder…..what would Blondy have made of such thing…. Spoken word of such …. Power. Would it have soothed her as I have watched it sooth so many…? I’m going to say yes because…. if the truth be told…. When I am in my quite times now…. It’s her I sit with. I am making peace with Blondy. We are reconnecting….
George the Poet is one of Blondy’s people because he is trying to make a change. A social change. A change for people….. my people. He makes me not feel alone when all I want is to be alone….if ya feel me
George Mpanga is one of Blondy’s people because he came from the endz….. got out… but instead of running …and he could have… he has come back to try and make a better world for people like Blondy. Just like he said he would…. A man of his word.
May I recommend you listen to “Have you heard George’s podcast”… it will touch you differently. Me personally…. I say you listen to episode 11 “Writers block” and make sure you listen to the thank yous at the end…
One last thing…. If i ever do a PHD just know that it would all be down to J.K Rowling and George…. Its all about Hogwarts…..