Episode 15 of Blondy’s People!!! We are almost at the end……a few more epic people to introduce you all.
My childhood was impacted by many things and my ACE’s (adverse childhood experiences) were high from a young age. I personally believe that biggest long-term impact on my life has been exposure to domestic abuse and violence and unprofessional professional. Yes of course there are a million things in between that have impacted on my life, but both of the above helped to shape a certain mind set for many years.
Blondy’s experiences with social services and professionals in general was poor. This is not me slagging of social services or professionals in general, I know some amazing professionals. The lady you are going to meet today is one of them. But …as always …this bit is Blondy’s story so we will have to just listen to her point of view.
Blondy always had some kind of professional involved at some point. Sometimes for her, sometimes for mum sometimes for both. But what she learnt very early on was that none of them stuck around for very long. They would come and be gone in a short space of time. She also learnt that things that you told professionals sometimes get ignored. Important things. Domestic abuse was always present in Blondy’s life in one way or another. In fact, always has been until a few years ago. So, when it came to Blondy developing healthy relationships she really didn’t stand a chance.
Alongside the domestic abuse, Blondy was objectified from a very young age. It still shocks me that no professional EVER sat with Blondy and spoke about healthy relationships and what they looked like. I will never understand that even though the professionals may not have known or had proof of what exactly was going on for Blondy, they knew enough to evidence that she needed to understand how to keep herself safe and what a good relationships looked like.
Blondy went through her early teenage years in a bit of a blur in terms of relationships. Most of her friendships were unhealthy and she found violence and aggression the norm. She was once siting with people when a couple in that groups started arguing. To her they were a couple but in fact the curly haired girl was about 14 and the man was about 25. But that was the norm. The girl and the man started arguing and he pinned the girl up against the wall and bit her face. Like…her chin and her cheek. The girl screamed and he just put his hand over her mouth. He did this for about a minute and then stopped biting her and grabbed her by her neck. He held her against the wall and just squeezed. The girls face was bright red, with these teeth marks across her cheek. He let go and she kind of crumpled to the floor. He bent down and dragged her, so she was standing. He told her to “Fix her face”. She was trying to stifle sobs and whipping her nose on her denim jacket sleeves. Once he had done that, he grabbed her towards him and started kissing her in a very sexual manner. She tried to pull away and he kind of punched her in the head. She yelped and then kissed him back in between sobs.
When this was happening there were about 15 people in the same group. Mainly older men and young girls. Blondy watched the whole event above whilst sitting on like a stone bench thing. She didn’t look directly at was going on. She could here and kept looking out the side of her eye. One of the other girls caught her eye and just slightly shock her head to say, “Don’t get involved”. None of the men/boys reacted in any way the whole time it was going on. Blondy watched as a man and a woman walked past with their dogs. It was about 12 at night and they could clearly see this little girl being hooked up. They just put their heads down and walked on.
Blondy…. Blondy was about 11 at the time. That was not the first time she saw this kind of behaviour and not the last time. She learnt quickly that the men around you were in control most of the time and you should almost be thankful that they were not doing the above to you. Blondy also knew that the only way to survive as girl out here was not to sexualise yourself. Do not wear a skirt. Down have your hair out. Don’t do a lot of things. She also thought that the above behaviour was scary but normal. She saw very little evidence of it not being the norm. It was in her home and her community. Nit just kid her age, adults as well.
That above incident, Blondy told someone at her PRU. It had given her nightmares and although she never spoke out about stuff, for some reason that incident had shaken her. So, she told the FLO (family liaison officer) at her school. She felt safe in doing this as it was not a disclosure about herself. But she thought that if she gave the FLO the girls name, who didn’t attend the school, then she would find out where the girl went to school and stuff and help her.
So, she went to the FLO and told her everything about that incident. But in the way Blondy saw it. That a boyfriend and girlfriend had been arguing (No mention of age) that they had started fighting and that he hard hurt her bad. Then he had told her off. That they had made up, but the girl was still sad and looked scared.
The FLO…. The IDOT of a woman…she said that people argue. Its normal. And if they made up then it could have not been that bad. Blind didn’t like that answer and said “What about the biting…. I didn’t like the biting” and the idiot FLO said “Well some people do things like that. Its not nice but it happens”.
Never asked the age of the people involved
Did not ask the victim’s name
Did not ask what time of the day it was
Did not ask Blondy how it made her feel
Did not call her mum to say this disclosure had been made
Did not ask if it happened to her
I could go on and on. Anyway…. that girl …the curly haired girl…. she went on to “Be in relationships” with various boys in the are abut always ended up with the man that bit her. She always had a black eye or bust lip and as we all grew older, she had several children and those children watched their mum go through the same stuff repeatedly. I do not know what happened to that girl. I have looked her up on Facebook a few times and couldn’t find her. Maybe don’t like social media. Maybe she is in a controlling relationship and he don’t let her have a social media. Maybe she got away from It all and is living her best life. Maybe she is dead.
That is the first time I have ever spoken about that event since. I have seen much worse. I have experienced much worse. But that one is often in my dreams. Writing about it now, today, the person I am….it has just shocked me how normalised this stuff was for me but also for our young people of today still. The facts are:
Almost one in three women aged 16-59 will experience domestic abuse in her lifetime
Office for National Statistics (2019) Domestic abuse in England and Wales overview: November 2019
Two women a week are killed by a current or former partner in England and Wales alone
Office for National Statistics (2019) Homicide in England and Wales: year ending March 2018 (average taken over 10 years)
In the year ending March 2019, 1.6 million women experienced domestic abuse
Office for National Statistics (2019) Domestic abuse victim characteristics, England and Wales: year ending March 2019
Of course, men are also victims of Domestic abuse but that is not Blondy’s story. She never saw that.
Todays guest covers bot of the above.
Jhiselle Feanny knows too well what all of the above can do to a person.
I met Jhiselle when I presented at one of her events with Junior Smart and we hit it off straight away. She brings a power and a presence to a room that you can’t deny. I like that in a person. Jhiselle is not the kind of women you want to challenge unless you have facts and figures. The work she has done around gangs and exploitation is above and beyond. Jhiselle is a social worker who is here to save and change lives. She is her for the young people. She walks the walk and talks the talk.
I must add this bit just because it makes me smile. When I was at the Sandwell event with Nathan ad Sabrina Dennis this beautiful girl came over and said hi do you know Jhiselle. I said yes and we got talking but lots of people were talking to me at once, so I dint get what the girl said. We spoke about the day And Jhiselle and it was clear that they were related but I felt rude to ask how. When I got home, I texted Jhiselle and said that this pretty girl had come and spoken to me, but I was unsure who it was and Jhiselle said…” That was my mum”!!! I still cannot get my head around it! It made me laugh so much. Jhiselle’s mum ……the genes are strong lol
However, If I had of know that was Jhiselle’s mum the conversation would have been very different. On the 15th of August 2018 Jhiselle’s sister lost her life. And if I had known that was her mum in front of me, I would have hugged her a little harder.
Bianca’s death led to the Believe in Bee foundation being created and this is where we are now…. watching as this amazing organisation grows and expands.
Jhiselle is one of Blondy’s people because as an adult I admire each and everything she does. She often gives me ideas that make me go…oh yer…I’m gonna do that. She is an amazing woman and what she is doing with believe in Bee is outstanding.
She is one of Blondy’s people because if Blondy had told her the story of the girls being bitten she would have asked the right questions. She would have listed and would have acted.
Below are lots of links and info to look through but before that I need ALL of you to sponsor the Believe in Bee Bungee Jump. The link is here,and any donation will be appreciated. Big love
Beliveinbee contact numbers: 07368257272/ 012161610124
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