Trigger warning.
Anyone who reads my blog will know that I love my mum and hold her on a pedestal. Mother’s Day is this Sunday and of course my blog will be about my mum. My mother did and said things that made me question some of her choices. But she never put me in dangerous situations on purpose.
However some mothers do.
Todays blog is a anonymous blog. Someone I have known sometime and someone who I should be closer too, seeing as we share very similar lives. But I guess I also live by the life lessons her own mum taught her. You will find out what they are as you read.
Let me introduce you to someone who walks tall like no one can touch her. But …ICU….
Do not trust ANYONE
My sister hit the nail on the head the other day. When mum dies I think you will mourn the mother you never had!. After thinking about it, I actually think this is true.
Now do not get me wrong, I do love my mum (because she is my mum!) but I do not like my mum.
Through growing up our mum had myself and my 3 siblings moving around he country each year, as they bought houses, did them up and moved on. This meant our education was shocking. I do not think I ever saw a whole school year in until we came to Thanet (when I was the age of 11). We were constantly moved up and down the country. I remember one primary school telling my mum that I was a dunce. How can she be surprised with us never settling in one place! Now my mum had favourites within her unit of children. I was most certainly not one of her favourites! And it was apparent to all around her. This however came to light in an argument at the age of 16 from which I was told that the man who I thought was my real dad, was not and that as far as she was concerned she was never going to tell me as she didn’t want my brothers or sister thinking she was slag! What…you don’t tell the child not because you do not want to upset them, but for upsetting other people! This explained a lot to me.
Our childhood was not a particular nice one, other than having no friends, because we were never in one place long enough, our parents were very abusive towards us. The cane, belt, hit, punched, you name it we got it and if we were naughty together, we had to line up and one by one take our punishment.
Social Services were involved with us, and for them to be involved all those years ago, it had to be pretty bad. My mum used to go off for days at a time due to mental health issues and leave my sister to feed us etc…(my sister was only 10 at the time). So I can honestly say, that when I look back it certainly is not with love and affection for my childhood. What shaped me the most, was that mum used to send me away with her mum and step dad, now this man had already sexually abused her and her sisters (on a very regular bases for years), and she decided that sending her youngest daughter away for weekends with him was ok! Well, you can imagine what happened, history repeated itself, and I was told by that man if I told anyone that I would be in big trouble and I did not want that, as don’t forget if we were in trouble we would get beaten! I used to come back totally subdued until one day I told mum. She acted with no surprise and what she did next was awful. She got him on the phone and got him to apologise to me and then a month later she sent me back off with them again for the weekend and she acted like nothing had happened. History repeated itself again! What kind of loving mother does that!
My parents plan for me was that I was going to end up on a council estate with 6 children with no future and they were very open about this! Great aspirations for a young girl I believe! I made a conscious choice however……that was not going to be me if I could help it and had to work hard from having nothing to having what I have today, but needless to say that is not without having various knock backs along the way.
However, out of all that has gone on, my mother has taught me two valuable lessons in life.
Do not trust anyone
She showed me the kind of mother I never wanted to be and that I wanted to be a role model for my girls
One thing I would say to my mother…. MY CHILDREN ARE MY WORLD CAN YOU SAY THE SAME!
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