Morning people,
I have some treats coming up for you my friends. I had decided to stop the guest blogs for a while, just because I was finding it hard due to time constraints, but the ones that have been sent to me over the last month…WOW. So we are back with the guest blogs.
My blogs are very….emotional lol They want to bang and make noise and make people sit up and make change. That’s just what I do. A fire starter. But, I also like to think my blogs relate to all people in all situations.
Today’s guest blogger…where do I start. They want to blog because they have a lot of stuff on their mind, but they also doubt their selves so much that they don’t know if anyone wants to listen. My personal relationship with today’s blogger is …deep lol. This person has listened to some of my darkest stories and memories. One of the stories I had never said to another living human.
We have laughed together, drunk together, cried together…..saved children together
This person is my Voice of reason (poor them) and Its up to us, the Out of the Shadows readers, to give them a platform to speak.
So I give you….My every day people
This is me….
I’ve finally decided to write a blog. I’ve found many reasons to not do this over the years; too busy, nothing worth saying, too many others doing the same thing etc etc. But now I’m going for it, I think.
But heed this warning…. this blog may well transpire to be rather pointless. I feel it’s only fair to be open and honest with you from the beginning. We’re busy people I don’t want you wasting your precious time with me. This blog is not educational or informative, it will not change the world, open your mind or motivate. Sorry.
So let me introduce myself; tell you who I am, what I’m about. Well to tell you the truth, I’m buggered if I know.
On one side; an apologist, a seeker of approval, voiceless, stupid, unworthy and lost.
On the other hand; over opinionated (although never sure I entirely believe or understand my opinion), forceful, over educated, certain (maybe) and driven.
Why so confused I hear you ask? Again I’ve no idea. As far back as I can recall I’ve always struggled to really, truly know my place in the world, the direction I want to head in, and most days, what to choose for lunch. I guess in one way that means I am very clear in who I am; I’m certainly indecisive.
I’ve tried my hand at many things during my life, made a variety of attempts at pinpointing a career path; working for a solicitors for a time, being a TV extra for a while, receptionist, BT operator…. blah blah blah. And in most of them I’ve done well in (apart from the stint as an extra, Wow!!! I really cannot act, not even in the background). But none of them have ever truly scratched that itch.
For the last 15 years I’ve worked in education in a support role and I honestly love my job. The school I work in is incredible, I don’t care what anyone else thinks, the people I work with are an awesome group of human beings and I’m proud to be part of the team. However, due to the constraints imposed upon me by my limited qualifications I’ll never be promoted beyond where I’m at so do I persevere with it regardless, knowing I’ll never get the status or financial recompense the work and effort I put in deserves?….. I just don’t know, we’ll have to come back to this at a later date…. but as you can see even when I’m where I think I need to be the fit is never quite right.
Indecisiveness runs through my entire existence, the constant questioning of myself;
am I a good enough mother/wife/daughter/friend? Do I have valid opinions?
Do I like the way I dress?
Am I healthy?
Am I too fat?
Do I understand the ramifications of Brexit?
Will I ever actually meet Bruce Willis??
The questions go on and on. But anyway, that’s enough for today, I’m not giving away too much, this is our first date, I’m not that kinda girl…
I’m hopeful that writing this blog will help me understand myself a little better and perhaps, if my opening paragraph didn’t put you off, and if you see any of you mirrored in my description of my contradictory self, we can take this journey together…. what d’ya say? I mean I understand if you’re busy? But …. well anyway…. only if you feel like it….