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#ICU2020 – Safe people and places


In the past 7 days, four adults have reached out to me in different ways. In addition to that around 6 have opened up to me about their past or anxiety that they are facing. Each one has said something that made me stop and think “Wow…I didn’t see that coming”.  These 4 people all have different relationships with me. On different levels. Yet…in their time of crisis… I was the one that they reached out too…and that makes me feel very humbled and also a bit scared.  Scared because…What if I don’t do or say the right thing. I can only be me. Is that enough?

We …or I …often talk about being the adult that I needed as a child. Being that person that should have been there for me when I was growing up, and its true, more of that is needed on this world. Become the adult you would have needed to keep you safe. That’s what I do.

But what about the adult I needed when I was an adult? The adult we all needed at some time during our adult life.

As a kid I think its fair to say that Me and my mum raised me together. Read that back. I know what it says, and I meant it. There are times when I had to raise myself. Just like many around me. And that’s OK. I mean…we are still here aint we?

In addition to that, losing my parents quite young (My dad when I was 26 and my mum at 28…. that’s kind of young I think) meant that I have been ‘fending it for myself for a long time. I remember the first time I fancied “Dippy egg and soldiers” about a year after my mum died. I didn’t know how to make it. I had to google it. Its silly but it has always stuck in my head that on that day I had no decent “Safe” adult I could contact and just be like “Hey…. how do you make a dippy egg”? No one. Serious.

Now this is not some “Poor me” story, God knows I am past that. I am pointing out that as an adult, if I couldn’t identify a “Safe adult” to help me make a dippy egg without feeling stupid…. then who would I be communicating with about the big stuff that was happening? No one. Because I feared looking stupid and needy. I didn’t …and never want to…impose myself on people.

Even when I started to find safe adults around me, they were constantly proving me right in that I should never trust anyone, So I just stopped telling people things for a long time. Until I met this one lady who saved my life in more ways than she will ever know and taught me that some people will help you. Really help you. Over the past 6 years I have met some of the most epic people. People that I do wish I had known as a kid but also many that I have needed as an adult. Needed. That’s a word I still struggle with.  There are 4 people that have graced this earth who I believe love me. Truly love me. And there are others that I think do love me, and then I have aquatints and so on.

But I tell you this…I never ever thought I would be someone that adults would see out for help and support. Children…yes…adults …never. I don’t really know why. I guess that when people have that moment and think “Shit…I need an actual adult to help me with this” I don’t think a picture of me comes to mind lol.

But things change, I guess. Now I am reflecting, adults have been seeking me out a long time. I just didn’t notice. Its only been the past year that I have realised that people, seriously, want my advice on stuff.

The people that have reached out to me this week, have knocked me a bit. Not in a bad way. But like I said, just more of …ohh…I never knew that. 2 of these people reached out to me before 9:30 this morning. One I will never discuss with any one other than the person we identified. The other…will never lave my lips. Never.

At 10am this morning I had a moment. I just sat and thought…I wish I had someone to reach out to when I was going through some stuff. Then I thought…I am blessed that I am able to be a safe place for others.

Because That’s all I want I. For people to have “safe places” where they can go and just speak and get it all out. Adults and children.  And no one laughs at them, or threatens them, or judges them. Just helps. Even if that help is just listening.  If I am that safe space for adults, then like I said…I am humbled.

The song “Lean on me” …I want you to press the link…. play it loud. Its for all of you…listen to the words. Make sure you are the someone that people can lean on. The song is for everyone…always…but right now its for one person who thinks the whole world is going to crash down…. it’s not …I got you. I told you that from day one. And it still stands. NO MATTER WHAT.

One of the lines says “Lean on me …when you’re not strong…. And I’ll be your friend…. I’ll help you carry on…for it won’t be long…. till I’m gonna need someone to lean on”. And that’s the truth.

I’m lucky. I have some amazing people around me. Some related by blood. Some not. Some I have known all my life; some I have not known very long at all. I have some that know almost everything about me. I have others that know enough. But I have the adults I needed as an adult. Because I stopped being scared.

If you are ever feeling low or scared than you must speak to someone. If your reading this blog and feel like that, contact me! I don’t want no one to ever not have a safe place. I have mine now, in different people and spaces. I always did. I was just looking in the wrong place for them.

#ICU2020 is coming and once again this week I have had my eyes opened to the people that need to be seen…. the ones that are trying their hardest to not be seen. Too late…ICU….

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