This time last year I sat down to write my last blog of 2018. I have just had a read of it, and it has made me very emotional.
Each paragraph brought a rush of feelings as I can remember exactly how I felt about each person and experience as I wrote it. Some of the people mentioned in last year’s blog don’t feature so much in my life anymore. Others are deeper embedded than I could imagine.
Last years blog states that 2018 was the year that I found the strength to be myself.
I still stand by that.
2019 has been the year of growth. I have pushed my own boundaries in ways I didn’t ever think I could, discovered a calmness that I never knew I had and have been able to put myself in check. 2019…. year of growth.
I’m going to stick with the theme from lats years blog….. of things I feel thankful, grateful, and blessed for because it is the best way to end one of the best years of my life. So please read and then maybe add what you feel thankful, grateful, and blessed for…
I am thankful that I have had decent health this year. Never been able to write that before.
I am grateful for my home. I look forward to coming home. I feel safe here. So many people don’t have safe place, God knows I searched for long enough, but I have that now.
I am blessed to have a human in this life that loves me unconditionally. Who has been on my team from day one. No questions asked. You can go far with unconditional love.
I am thankful for my boss. My mentor. He allows me to do my job in a way that most would never understand yet…. he always has. He doesn’t trust many people, neither do I, But I think hand on heart, when it comes to our roles the trust is deep. And I’m thankful for that
I am grateful that passed the first year of my masters. I don’t know how but I did. It has been harder than I ever though it would be, but I did it.
I am blessed that I have children who are making lives for themselves, with or without me….
I am thankful that I have learnt that everything does not have to be black and white when it comes to friends and relationships. I have spent many years just walking away when something doesn’t sit right. Now I try to see things from everyone’s point of view…and I think I am getting better.
I am grateful that I work within a team that is epic. A team of people that are also my best friends. I am able to go to work and feel safe in the knowledge that people have my back. The circle is small but its solid.
I am blessed that I have a daughter who has changed my view on the world. A girl so strong that the world will have to adapt around her…never the other way around.
I am thankful that I have found the strength to face some of my fears. I have so many fears and worries that hold me back in life, and I spent much of 219 fighting them. Going to places I have never been, doing things way out of my comfort zone…. going to the dentist. I have spent a lot of 2019 talking to myself and saying things like “Just do it, what’s the worst that can happen?”. I have had to fight hard to overcome my hidden demons…but I have. So many. So, In the words of Snoop…. I want to thank me for believing in me, I want to thank me for doing all this hard work.
I am grateful for my extended family. Same old, some new, but all welcome. The ones who shared my son’s birthday knowing how hard it was for me to welcome everyone into my house, those who watch George the poet with me….again, those who watch Jimmy cliff live with me while the sun beat down on our faces, The ones who have seen my tears and not been afraid. The ones that have been there so long that my daughter doesn’t know a life with out them. The one I have watched grow with my son, from school until now, and sits at my dinner table like one of the family…..which of course he is.
I am blessed that I know where I am going. I may not know how I am going to get there…but the future no longer looks bleak…. not at all
I am thankful that I have meet new people along my journey, made new friends, discovered new ways of thinking and the one that has shown me that maybe its time to start a new chapter….as long as we don’t ever discuss football.
I am grateful that I am able to love. Really love. And care.
I am blessed that people except me for me. I surround myself with people that don’t want me to change, don’t expect me to act a certain way. I don’t have to explain myself anymore. I don’t have to tip toe anymore. And it feels good.
2019 has been my year of growth. I can’t even truly put into words how deep that is. It’s like I have been in detox and now I want to start living again. Really living. I want to fall in love with the world again. With people. With myself.
2019 has been like standing on the edge of a cliff and taking a deep breath. The kind of breath that goes so deep into your lungs that it knocks the breath out of you for a second. I usually see the new year in and deep-down think …phew…that was close….
This year I am giving 2019 a big bear hug and am almost sad to see it go……