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Why would anyone want to be her friend…


Today’s guest blog is about the impact of Domestic abuse. I am sure that the person that wrote this will follow up about what can happen to someone when they leave a abusive relationship……the effect on their mental health. Living in a abusive relationship is, in my opinion, one of the most destructive impacts on your mental health. And sometimes you don’t even know you are living in hell because you have been there so long. Todays blog…

What would anyone want to be her friend….

To one of the strongest, dedicated and tenacious women I have ever known.  With love.

No knocking on my door unannounced.  I got it.  I’ll be honest, it was initially strange and I thought maybe she lived in a messy home and was embarrassed.  She would greet me at the door, halfway out of the door in fact.  Carefully manoeuvred to ensure I didn’t get out of my car so she would have to make an excuse to stop me getting to near to going in.  Excuses about not coming shopping; going out or having a girly night were abundant.  Thankfully my professional experience started to kick in.  It is hard to be emotionally involved but it is possible.  I started by listening to her talking about him.  Often it was derogatory but it was still guarded.  This girl didn’t trust anyone.

I didn’t meet him in person for months and months.  When I did he was charm personified.  The only way I can put it is he is like most abusers – a coward.  It was ironic as she had started to share the comments and accusations he would say about me.  Remember the guy didn’t know me; had never met me.  His abuse was calculated.  He used her own inhibitions and fears against her.  I soon learnt that he told her she needed to lose weight; get her teeth fixed; he couldn’t understand why anyone wanted to be her friend.

I knew to approach him and challenge would put her at risk so I politely exchanged few words with him when we met.  I still didn’t go into the house.

It took a long while and she was growing weary.  His behaviour was carefully orchestrated as he kept his comments off social media; messaging; WhatsApp and he kept the violence behind closed doors and she was always unmarked.

She did find the strength and did ask him to leave and, to this day, I have so much pride in saying that.  She knew his absence would seriously affect her youngest and would have a significant impact on her finances.  He left her with considerable debt and in fear of paying her rent but she did it.

‘One of the most courageous decisions you’ll ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting your heart and soul’

Brigitte Nicole

If you have been affected by this story, please reach out for help.

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